I now know reason for our demise

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As I have got older, I have found myself spending more time wondering ‘Why has our country gone down the pan?’ If, indeed, it has.

Maybe it has just changed and people don’t like change?

But, whatever, this still doesn’t stop me considering the wealth of reasons people cite: some of which are plausible and logical; others which are fanciful and often ridiculous and bigoted.

I have listed some examples of both sets below. I will leave it to you which category you place them under.

The rise of the BRICS economies, too small a manufacturing base, Europe, red tape, European red tape.

Too many bankers, the government, the unions, my aunt Shirley (some have argued that her closing her post office account seven years ago caused a run on the banks and the subsequent 2007 global financial crisis; others say this is absolute rot).

Global warming, global cooling, global temperatures staying about the same.

Education, media studies on the syllabus, sparing the rod, stopping national service.

Long hair, flared trousers, fat people, ginger people, beards. E numbers, F and C words, lack of grammar, texting, sexting, knitting. Immigration, religious zealots, atheists.

Overseas aid – we are too kind and generous! Unworthy foreigners taking advantage of our wonderful nature. Estate agents.

You can see my problem: far too many to choose from. Well, that was the case but it isn’t any longer.

Thanks to some people who write in to the News Guardian, I now have absolute clarity.

All the above are totally incorrect. I am now totally convinced that the reason for the demise of this great and wonderful country is down to one reason and one reason alone – dog poo, the dogs that poo it and their tyrannical owners.

Thank God that we still live in a country of tolerance and perspective.

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