REGENERATION: Some novel ideas to help

The Dome, Whitley Bay.
The Dome, Whitley Bay.
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In view of the fact that we have decided to keep our current system of local government, I feel that we should offer, as residents, some positive and proactive help to the poor council planning department in order to assist with its valiant struggle to deliver our long-promised ‘regeneration’ in Whitley Bay.

The idea would be to form a local group writing committee to produce a series of novels, which we could self-publish and market internationally for the benefit of the borough. With luck, this would allow us to raise, say, £10billion over the next ten years, as with Ms Rowling, which we could donate to the council for possible improvements to Whitley Bay.

Obviously, proposing any improvements to Whitley Bay would engender enormous costs on behalf of the council.

It would, for example, be necessary to create special council departments to come up with and evaluate ideas. External consultants would have to be engaged to propose and evaluate ideas. Committees would have to evaluate suggestions and proposals, and different external consultants would have to modify and improve the suggestions and plans, and then, in turn, produce modified plans for scrutiny and evaluation by the committees and council departments.

Separate committees would have to run in parallel to do risk assessments. There would also have to be health and safety proposals, consultation programmes with the public, etc.

The costs would undoubtedly eat up a huge part of the £10billion raised by the novels. However, being positive and proactive, there may well be enough money left, perhaps, to put a coat of paint on some of the railings, mend a couple of fences and buy some cement to fill in a few cracks here and there along the sea front on the promenade.

There may even be enough left to pop over to B&Q to buy a few bedding plants to stick into the two or three flower beds that still exist from the old days when we had flower gardens in Whitley Bay.

As an initial proposal for titles of the novels we were thinking along the lines of:

Knock-it-doon Norma and the White Dome of Death

Knock-it-doon Norma and the ‘Dilapidatio Inexorabilis’ Curse

Knock-it-doon Norma and the Mystery of ‘The Posh Ice Cream Shed’

Knock-it-doon Norma and the Saga of the Unfinishable Loos that only open in ‘Early Spring’

Knock-it-doon Norma and the Phantasmagorical Master Plan

Knock-it-doon Norma and the Vanishing Promenade Balustrades

Any further suggestions for plots or titles would be warmly welcomed, as would proposals for the setting up of the writing committee.

God Bless North Tyneside Council – unstintingly delivering regeneration to the residents.

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