So far the mass suicides the columnist had hoped for are not in evidence, but just wait until the withdrawal symptoms take hold.

Suspicions had been aroused the previous week, by the references to his (allegedly) long overdue domesticity, coupled with the impending rigours of fixing tiles from B&Q (there are other suppliers of bathroom tiles in North Tyneside) to various parts of his bathroom.

Can we also look forward to the appearance of Masterpiece No.4 on the front door of No.5 Marden Terrace? We may well be putting two and two together here and making three or five so can we suggest a short list of other possibilities;

1: Peter intends putting up in opposition to David Davis in the forthcoming by-election, representing the PDP (Property Developers Party).

2: He's going into business selling bottles of Cullercoats Sea-Fret and CDs of the North Shields Foghorn to ex-pats in some far-flung segments of the globe. (Spheres don't have corners).

3: The successful re-run of his play, "Riot" at the Customs House makes his move to the West End not only inevitable but imminent. (Is there a theatre in Benwell?)

Whatever the reason, the effect will be the same for a large proportion of News Guardian readers; no more the Thursday tea-time challenge to decide whether to take all, any or none of it seriously.

KEN CREEN
Sandringham Drive,
Whitley Bay.